I am sick and stupid. I am an average failure, or even worse, a below-average failure, as of today.

I think I failed my methodology midterm. I am such a loser, but in my defense, the exam was hard and long (I feel so fucked I am going for vulgar sex references).

I used to have this goal, to keep my semester average (9.3). Now I only have the HOPE I will not have less than 7 at the end of this semester.

People don't understand why I freak out over something so banal (as Joseph calls it) as my grades. Well, because it's pretty much the only thing I have. The only fun, the only real challenge in my life. And guess what?! I AM FAILING IT!

And guess what else? I am not blaming this on the murder of my friend, or the leaving of my brother, or my bitching flu. It's my stupid fault for being stupid.

I don't want to know the results of today, I know they'll be awful. I'd like to wish for dying in my sleep tonight, but I am in love with Joseph (that's a tangent). I got the results of a paper today, and don't you tell anyone, but I got 5.5, when my friends got 9s and even 10s. And even worse, my non-friends got those grades too, which leads me to believe I am the only one having problems with creating stablishments and hypothesis, and that makes me feel EVEN MORE like a loser.

I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology, I hate methodology.

Sure, yes, saying I hate methodology doesn't solve anything, nor gets me a better grade. Get off of me, I am going through a particular kind of hell that's got me crying twice a day, out of frustation and desperation.

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