Sunday, 10/17/04 - 9:50 pm.
My plans for the day were to study for my midterm on wednesday, and to shape up my essay on Fromm. However, my brother, who moved back in just yesterday, said to me after lunch: wanna go out?. And I wasn't going to say no, duh.
So we jumped in the car. He started to tell me about his plans, and how he's going to spend his salary, now that he doesn't have to pay rent and doesn't have a significant other. He'll help with the household payments, and says will save to get his own car and as well for "treats" for us...after all, money is just shit. I was tempted to ask him how much he was earning, but I didn't think it'd be cool. Still, it seems to be a lot, because he even is coming to Houston with us (my parents, my nephew and I) in december, to visit the other two brothers.
First we went to get his membership at PriceMart. I hadn't been to those big stores in this country, so it felt like I was in Houston when we walked in. We waited for the paperwork, he got his membership, and then we looked around. So many things people do not need (but I'll leave the anti-consummerisn speech for some other day). Suddenly he stops and says to me, very serious: from now, everything you need, just tell me, ok?. He even offered to buy me a Beatles DVD ("the first U.S. visit"). I didn't want to abuse (it was $20), so I said I'd keep looking for something else. I'm always embarrased when my siblings are being like that, "sure, take what you want". It's touching, and I try not to decline any offer, as it'd be very rude...but I also try to measure myself.
Then we went to a very exclusive mall, just to look around. I felt inadequate at times, because those places are so...uptown, and I dress in rags. But my brother wanted to update his wardrobe (especially for the university). And not just for me, if you want something, let me know. Aaaww, I wanted to cry.
We walked around, in stupid pussy stores that only had like ten articles of clothing, all of them extremely expensive. We hit a bookstore, where I decided to take his offer. And so, he bought me three booklets with Beatles songs for guitar. They were $4.55 each, and I was choosing one when he said: take all the three of them! It's just shit [referring to the money]. Lord. I was speechless.
Afterwards he bought me ice cream. And we saw more shoes, because he's looking for shoes. He also gave me the news: he'll be my professor next semester. We are aware of what some people (my classmates, that is) could think about that. If there's any doubt, though: I'm not going to take advantage of it, because as a matter of fact, I do not need it. I do well enough on my own, didn't you know? I earn my own merits. Anyway, it's a different enviroment, and I'm up to the task of behaving depending on where we are. It's different when I see him walking around the campus, always in a hurry, all dressed up like the successful man he is, than when I see him around the house, doing nothing, wearing shorts.
We left the mall and went to a supermarket. He bought me a chalkboard, even though I said I'd pay for that myself. But he insisted. Aaawww, again.
In the three hours we were hanging out together, I got the feeling he's more mature than when he left the house, three years ago. Perhaps he's always been, but it's until now that I've realized that. In any case, it's good to have him here. He's so nice and responsible, and nice.
Changing subject: it's my 5th month anniversary with Joseph today. I'm happy about that, and I love him, but I think he's mad at me because I don't dare to take the car and go visit him. That's probably why he refuses to show up at the university. I don't blame him, and I understand I should get in action and stop complaining about his decisions...but for the time being, it's doing me more harm than good.
We hung up today and I was left with a taste of guilt in my mouth.
I'll go play the songs on my guitar now. Good night.
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