The moving-on and the group I'm not part of because I don't have any talent.
Wednesday, 11/10/04 - 9:57 pm.

You know, I had my guitar lesson today, and I think I'm finally starting to see Joe not as a crush, but as a nice guy with a lot of talent, who's my instructor and a fellow Beatle fan. I feel good about that, but I still get mad when, like today, he walks me by and doesn't notice me. I guess I love his gestures, how he raises his eyebrows when he looks at me. He's got beautiful eyes. And he had a beatle hairdo today, too (which almost made me fall for him again...but no, I must stand still).

I passed him a questionnaire we designed for a research due next week. I had to pass it to six people, and luckily, I found the six kind souls today. I'm really bad at social interaction, so I'm shy and I'm embarrased to say "can you take this, please?". I fear rejection too much, when my career demands me to be bold.

Like I said, though, luckily I found six people. Well, I found one. A girl I met in high school, who was Fidel's (my great teacher/friend) "daughter". She said she'd gladly help me. Do you need more people? My friends are over there. Too nice of her. So I took two more of her friends, plus Joe and two fellow pupils.

I was at the cultural center this morning (where the guitar room is) and a lot of people were busy preparing everything for the upcoming anniversary of the jesuits. I sat next to a wall, and I saw all those frantic people work. I wanted to be part of them. I wanted to have some talent. All of them were performers: musicians, or dancers, or actors, or were preparing all kinds of decoration. I wish I had some talent. I wished I could help, I wished they knew me, I wished I knew them, and I could be laughing with them while making something worthwhile, for a good cause.

But obviously, I was just sitting far away. Until my guitar lesson started.

After the lesson I was to meet up with Joseph, who arrived 45 minutes later and that pissed me off. He'd argued with his mom and had a terrible headache. We both were on a horrible mood and we barely spoke, until I sat at a Burger King table and started to eat. He'd already eaten, and was feeling like crap.

He was very bitter, but my mood improved, so I could be ok for the both of us. I laughed for 10 minutes at the fact that I'd slipped ketchup in a pocket of his jacket without him noticing. He's hilarious when he's bitter.

Irene and I finished our magazine (for psychology of development II) today, and spent an hour and a half this afternoon trying to put it together like a real magazine. I think it turned out great, even if I do say so myself.

During my spare hour, at 5:30, Victor and I attended a tribute to the jesuits in the auditorium: music and dancing. I was surprised to see many people from the USA. At times it felt like I was in a foreign country, because all I heard was english-speaking, surrounded by blonde, blue-eyed people wearing shorts. There were old american people, and they were rocking themselves to the rhythm. It was a beautiful act. And again, I wish I could've been part of it...not on stage, but...I don't know. There was a girl (I know her, she's a friend of Victor's: she's an actress AND plays the guitar...see what I mean when I say they are talented?) taking pictures of the numbers. Something like that.

I'm very tired today, more than usual.

Good night.

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