Monday, 07/04/05 - 9:38 pm.
First, let me say this: I had my Social final tonight. I'm finally over with it. Yay. YAY, I SAY!
Last night, I was talking to Angel, about the issues Joseph and I were having. I asked him if it was ok if I sent him an e-mail, telling him it was rude of him to log off without saying goodbye, in the middle of an argument; it was like he'd hung up on me. Angel said I should, to let him know. So I did.
Having said that: today at noon, Joseph called me. He sounded so sad, and was talking in whispers. Can I go see you today at the university? I almost started to cry, and I said yeah, sure. Is there something wrong, I asked. No...yesterday I realized how much I love you, and if I had you in front of me right now, I'd get on my knee to tell you that, and to ask you to forgive me. Ok, I wasn't expecting that.
I had my final at 5:30 and I wanted to study before the thing, but no way I was going to waste the opportunity to see him, especially knowing we were about to put the conflict of the last two days behind for good. Hopefully.
Ok, we met up. I asked him what happened to the girl that'd run away from her home (refresh: I went to his house yesterday, and she was in his bedroom, eating).
She's adopted, and we met when I was about 13. I used to work in a flower shop, near your house [only two blocks away] and I'd see her getting beat up by her mom often. One day I got in the middle to stop the beating, and ever since, the lady didn't hit her (in public, anyway) and she saw me as an older brother. I hadn't seen her in like three years. I told her I'd take her out one day, so last night I took her out. I took her out, I got incredibly drunk and I also got beat up. But he didn't told me anything about him getting beat up. He didn't seem to want to talk about it, so I didn't insist. He was very sore, though, I could barely touch him.
I got drunk because I thought you were going to dump me today. It was so stupid to have that girl in my bedroom, and if you told me I was cheating on you, even though I wasn't, I would've supported you. You had all the right to take her presence the wrong way, I think what I'd have done if I'd found you in that situation, and it's hard. So I kept drinking and drinking, fearing that today would come, because I supposed you were going to leave me.
I explained him, I didn't like finding the girl in his bedroom, and I was frustrated and angry because we couldn't spend the afternoon together. I said I trusted him, and that I'd have thought of breaking up with him only if I'd found the girl in his bed. But between you and I, I didn't even think of breaking up, at all. I only wanted to tell him how I felt.
- Joseph: she wanted to do it with me [here I got nervous]...but I killed her when I was talking to her and I, by mistake, called her by your name. "You love her", she said. "Well, duh".
- Me: but what if she'd gotten you horny?
- Joseph: impossible. Anyway, the damned thing would've never gotten up, because all I could think of was how you'd walked out quickly out of my house, and you were going to leave me today.
I cried in front of my mom this morning, telling her what'd happened. She scolded me and my dad for letting the girl in my bedroom. I told her that I knew you were going to leave me because of that, and that if you didn't leave me, I was going to take you to a chapel and marry you today.
Well, but he didn't marry me.
I wish I could remember and write in here everything he told me. In a nutshell, he felt stupid for what happened, and was scared that I was going to break up with him (as if you didn't get the point by now).
My plan was so fucking simple! To stay home and perhaps have you over. Instead, this girl came running away (in the end I took her home, and her parents thought I'd kidnapped and raped her), I missed my chance with you, thought I'd lost you, got painfully drunk for that and got beat up. "Did you win the fight, though?". He didn't.
Well, so, we're perfect. After we exchanged our frustrations from yesterday, we cuddled, and he bought me a doughnut. Then walked me to the classroom. Thank you, he said. Thank you...God, for everything...for listening to me, and understanding me, and being the woman you are, the woman I always wished for.
I just called him, because today he was also getting the results, he was going to find out whether he was accepted or not in the university (this is killing me). But he wasn't home. His mom answered the phone, though, and asked me if I liked the bracelet she sent me. I was so embarrased, I couldn't thank her enough. She's so nice.
Angel asked me if I thought Joseph was the one. I do.
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