This was a less fucked-up day, but I've been left feeling melancholy.
Wednesday, 10/19/05 - 10:22 pm.

I got a 10 in my Social Psychology midterm. This makes me extremely happy, and hopeful.

Mr. Basket gave a conference about sexual abuse this afternoon, and it blew me away. It was the whole psycho-social side of it, how and why victims are never seen as such, etc. It's so, so long to describe it here, but maybe one day I can do something about it.

After the conference, some of his psychodynamics students approached and asked if the class was still on (because it was 5 pm, and it begins at 4:30). I stopped and said puzzled, "I don't know". One guy asked, could you please go ask him?, and I said sure, of course. When I turned around, I think I heard one of the girls say "she's cute". It was a huge ego-boost, so I'll tell myself she did say that.

I woke up tired this morning, but I applied the WISC on my patient at the clinic, and everything went smooth. However, I'm tired at all times, and when I don't feel tired, I feel very sad. I've been really melancholy, actually.

And it's funny how my mood gets lower when I'm around Ve and her girlfriend. Like tonigh, when after class I went to the cubicle to pick up some stuff I'd left there. They were there with their friend Isaac (he's gay, too), and I just sat on a desk and heard them talk. They weren't ignoring me, really, but I just wasn't part of their conversation. I guess I felt invisible, and in a way, that's just a reproduction of situations I went through with Veronica and Carmen, a long, long time ago. So it's not really that Ve and MR have done anything to me. Which makes everything more bizarre.

I'm happy that tomorrow morning I'll get to stay home. In the afternoon I have to go interview children in a public school sort-of near the university, but I'm trying to focus on the morning.

This is me focusing on the morning: yay.

Joseph was mad at me this afternoon. It was something very unimportant I said, actually unrelated to everything. But it's what I suspected: he thinks that all the things I tell him I have to do are just an excuse not to spend time with him. Jeez, thanks a lot. - Joseph: you're doing too much. - Me: no, I'm finally doing SOMETHING.

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