And he takes meds to lower his anxiety and psychosis.
Monday, 01/02/06 - 10:06 pm.

Today was not a good day. No, it was, but it didn't end well...actually, it hasn't ended, I still hear the screaming and the whining and the threats from the bedrooms.

It began well, I should say. In the morning I went to exchange socks for my nephew, although I got the wrong size again. Then I went to return a pair of earrings that broke as soon as I put them on, but the guy only gave me $0.54 back, and I did not quite get why. Sucks to be me, I'm no good at demanding, even the things I'm entitled to.

That was also a problem when I called to see if the airline had found my nephew's baggage. They haven't, and the stupid lady who took my call barely spoke spanish (fuck, don't give me the option of "spanish" if you can't fulfill the request) and cut me off, ok, ma'am, bye-bye, "so I only get $250 for now?", Ok, ma'am, bye-bye. Fucktard.

I took my time at noon to go to B&N and buy me some books and get some souvenirs for some people. Under "psychology" I found so many good books, I guess that's the only section I'll be purchasing from...I found Beatles books, too, but there are so many, and a lot say the same; I know the basics about them by now, so I might as well focus on new interests.

B&N is on a mall across the highway from the house, but before I crossed it, I stopped by Starbucks. And that was a nice moment, crossing the street, drinking frappuccino from the bottle, with a bag of books in my hand (though I got just one, Sybil). I came home, and all was all right. I took down the christmas tree.

Fast forward to dinnertime.

Dinnertime was sort of lovely. My nephew Renan was humming merrily and he set up the table. Everything was good, and I was glad thinking I could sit tomorrow morning and send a letter to my parents, saying everything was wonderful last night.

But it was not.

Shortly before bedtime, my niece asked his brother to remove his clothes from the drying machine. He started to say, no, you didn't do the dishes, blablabla. And he beat her up until their mom got between them. My niece went to her bedroom, and I had to stay in the livingroom, with my other nephew, watching Star Wars and pretending his cousin was just in a bad mood.

But he also tried to hit his parents. He started yelling at them, telling them to leave them alone, he screamed at my brother that he was a monster, and that his sister was like an animal and she needed to be hit so she could understand, and went on about horses and how he could hit anybody he wanted.

And the yelling and threatening went on and on, and it actually didn't stop just now, after nearly three hours. In all that time, my nephew said he was unhappy and wanted to be left alone and everybody upsets him and how it was possible his dad became a doctor, because to be a doctor you need to have a brain...I wanted to cry, but I just sat still. The least I could do was go and check on my niece, and lock her door, as a precaution.

A lot of arguments happened. My brother and her wife try to reason with him, but it's no use, you can't. And while they're at it, he makes excuses and excuses and blames everybody. At one time he said he'd try to control himself, "that's why I'm on medication!!!", he screamed, but my brother corrected him, he isn't on meds because of the anger. That's half the thruth, anyway (it's to control what causes him to be angry, though it could be just about everything).

To top it all off, he went in his sister's bedroom and messed up some her stuff, twice. I tried to stop him, asking him why he was doing it, and he said "because it makes me happy bothering her". I said, don't be selfish, and he said she was the selfish and she should learn a lesson, blablabla. He went out and I just helped her put her plush toys back in place.

A few minutes ago, I heard him crying. It's obviously hard for him, too. This afternoon I was talking to my brother about all this, and yes, my nephew is paranoid...he told his psychologist he hears voices, and my brother told me a few stories about how people "are going to listen to your music if you open the window" and such. You can't make a diagnosis of this magnitude (paranoid schizophrenia and the like) on a child, but that's a sign, and a bad one.

I'm so, so worried, because he gets out of control. And apparently he functions relatively well in the outside world (goes out with friends, has a girlfriend) because he takes out everything on his house. And not just him. I wanted to cry when he was insulting my brother, when he beat up his sister, when he tried to hit his mom with the broom. I can only imagine how this is wearing them out, stressing them endlessly, because no one ever knows when he's gonna have the next breakdown. He's just impredictable. Anything can make him snap.

I would like to go check on my brother and my sister in law, but I don't dare. They act as if nothing happened.

Sorry, I can't go on. I'm drained, and agitated.

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