There's more than a desk between us.
Friday, 05/05/06 - 9:30 pm.

My mom presented her (history of psychology in the country) book today, in the university library. It was really cool, the lounge was small with comfortable chairs. Some of my professors showed up, and some of my classmates did, too. It wasn't massive, but books presentations never are. The ones that were there, were interested, and that's enough. And at the end of the presentation, I ate two sandwiches from the snack table that was there for the audience.

Now, there's something that's been bothering me: Joe. Fucking shit, I say. He came to my cubicle today, too, as he's done these past three days. He was wearing odd sunglasses, for a reason I didn't get. He sat on a chair, and my desk was between us. I noticed he was biting the end of the sunglasses several times, and I joked to myself that he was flirting with me.

I was trying to avoid the uncomfortable silences, but even with that, I was uncomfortable...or too comfortable. Mentally, dare I say it, he's my equal. And I can talk about the Beatles all I want, and we also have our encounters because he doesn't like Lennon, although he says his songs are superior to Paul's. Details, details. He stayed in my cubicle for a while.

Sometimes I was talking and it seemed like he wasn't paying attention to me. He'd just stare at me, and that seriously freaked me out. I don't want him to like me! It's bad enough that I like him. I avoided long eye contact. But it could also be just me, misinterpreting everything. I hope so.

Worst thing is that it NEVER fails. Along cames may-june and a love interest shows up in my life. The Guy, Denver, 1, even Joseph...I got involved with them around this time of the year. Although, to be fair, Joe's been fucking up (without his knowledge) my emotional balance since october '03.

I feel really bad. I'm supposed to love Joseph...I mean, ONLY Joseph. I love him, I am in love with him without a doubt, but...I might love Joe, too, in that awful way, for some stupid reason beyond my comprehension. As I must've said a couple of times before, each of them is half of the man I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

I am so screwed.

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