I'm not about to give up.
Tuesday, 02/06/07 - 10:54 pm.

I refused to get out of bed this morning, after everything that was going on in my head last night, which I conveniently poured out in my last entry. I hadn't felt so heavy, mentally and physically, in ages. But I had to go to the gym with my sister in law...I enjoy going, but I'm able to go because she has to go, and if she goes and I don't, I feel guilty. And viceversa.

For some reason, I took it as a sign from above when she said she wasn't going today. I don't know why that cheered me up. Perhaps because it gave me the chance to go shopping: my gym pants shrank -dammit!- so I needed a new pair. I told my SIL I'd do that...and she handed me a credit card from the store I was about to visit, I really don't know how much it's got left, but it could be of some use.

My budget has lowered considerably with a few things I've had to buy during my stay in Houston, that I didn't plan to buy. But I still thought of getting a few more clothes. I'd calculated to spend no more than $28, $20 for t-shirts, the rest for a few pair of socks plus tax. The grand total was $38 and cents, and the credit card happened to have $10 and cents left. So I paid $28 and cents in the end. I consider it kind of unbelievable. Kind of. A nice coincidence.

So that alone (the shopping and the card) cheered me up, and made me realize I win nothing by victimizing myself over the whole education-after-graduation thing, and the Joseph thing. Like G-K said (I appreciate your note!), he's full of bullshit; he needs some perspective other than his own...I love him to death, but he's such a drama queen sometimes. I have no idea what's going to happen in the long run, but I'm willing to stick with him until the last second.

Now, about the scholarships and all that, I've simply reformulated my searching estrategy. I've checked the Canada and US embassies, and they have some things I could pick up. Scholarships are my primary option, but there's something else: I can come here to work as a bilingual teacher, while I study, and by about five years, I even become a US resident, legally. That's an option I like, too...I was never really drawn to being a teacher, at all, but I actually feel like giving it a shot.

Tomorrow my brother's taking me to Baylor College of Medicine...he's linked to that institution, he's studied something and keeps a connection (his workplace is at a children's hospital). My SIL and him insist that it's always an advantage to talk to people in the field, and you get extra points for doing that when applying. I'm terribly nervous about it, I have no clue what I'll do, what I'll ask, who I'll see...but the alternative to avoid all that is to stay home and worry about my future while having ice cream.

So...I'll be on my way to bed now. My niece will be roommate for a few days, because we are changing rooms. She's not precisely very focused, though, so it might take a while. Anyway, I gotta set the example, she goes to bed too late and then she's unbereable in the morning. Yeah, well, I was joking about the example. She's too caught up in her little world to notice me to that extent. But anyway, good night!

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