On my 4th anniversary with Joseph, I ended up alone on his bed, crying silently because I was wondering if he was the person I wanted to spend my life with...[entry]

Well, well, well. I guess life gave me the answer. Even though I expected to make it to five years and beyond. Meh, it's ok. I still think of Joseph regularly but without the emotional burden. I stop when I see that one coming. I would have never believed anyone who told I'd be over this thing in about two months (considering the real news broke to me in january). Even W said 2009 would be crap for me, because it'd be a long healing process. I mean, there's still a wound that won't go away entirely, but I like my life better when it's not crap.

Work was slow today, and a conversation at noon made me bitter. The men there are nice, but are men in the end. I'm not really used to hang out with macho men, most of my guy friends don't have such a traditional mentality. So I had to swallow a few things today, regarding women and homosexuality. Maybe I'll talk back another day. I don't feel like replying to such idiotic ideas, because they don't really change their minds and words never come out like they should. See, these people I work with are good people. They just live among estereotypes.

Let's change subject. CR said yesterday that Al and I would make a good couple. I don't think so, I don't think I'm the kind of girl Al...no, yes, I might be. But he doesn't like me. I wish he did, but I'm fully aware he doesn't. A couple of friends tell me I should date CR instead but he doesn't strike me, man. If I looked at him and he was my boyfriend, I'd get the same sheer horror I felt when I was dating 1, my first boyfriend.

Anyway, may is a couple of months away. I always hook up with a guy in may. It happened with The Guy back in '01, then D in '02, 1 in '03, Joseph in '04. Maybe 2009 will follow the trend. I hope so. The difference between then and now is that now I need to get laid.

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