Saturday, 04/11/09 - 11:18 am.
I had an awful dream, in which Joseph and I were back together and were about to have sex. His bedroom was strange, it seemed like it belonged to a girl, with girly colors and fluffy stuff. I had no feelings for him and I was wondering if he was still married. He didn't seem very much into me either, and we were failing at getting it on.
On less fantastic crap, I'm really worried about money. I'm not doing bad, but the august trip to CA is making me become a little more neurotic than usual. If I wasn't traveling, I wouldn't be concerned at all. That trip costs a lot of money. To put it simply, it's going to empty my work bank account. I take out a little less than half of my salary every month, to pay for my expenses and add something to my real bank account. The rest so far, and two more months worth of work, will be swept away. And I had completely forgotten about the psych congress in july and my tattoo next week. I think I won't be getting it next week, though. The plane ticket remains pricy, but perhaps after this week's vacation it'll be a little lower.
I complain a lot, don't I?
And I shouldn't. Because I'm doing this. It's crazy, but I haven't done anything this crazy before and it's about time. I can imagine how miserable I'll be that first week of august if I stay home.
I'm curious and slightly concerned about my relationship with Art. I love him so much. He's been working from 5 am to 10 pm almost everyday this past week so we haven't talked a lot, and when we do, he's very tired. Yesterday he seemed a little distant (I think it was more my insecurities than his very own behavior), but when we turn the cameras on we get a little more like boyfriend-girlfriend, and last night he even talked about his brothers-in-law, my brothers, and stuff.
Later last night, he fell asleep on the computer, all I could see was his back for a long while until he went offline. It was cute but also, it happened to upset me. Why, I can't really tell. I think I was waiting for an explanation or a goodnight. But I fought those irrational thoughts. Then this morning we talked and he said he'd fallen asleep indeed. He's a sweetheart. But still I fear I get a little too desperate sometimes.
I'm going to the movies with Vic in a couple of hours. We'll split the cost and matinees are $2.75, but it's still a struggle for my anal-retentive self. I should relax a little, huh? I'm not the kind of person that throws the money away either. I'll cut down my expenses, and I should also have in mind that what I do spend is well invested, because it always turns out to be quality time with people I care about.
No more complaining, especially not about the august trip. I'm doing this. I want to.
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