Forward we go.
Thursday, 11/19/09 - 9:38 pm.

Yesterday he took the bus to come meet me after my drum lessons, and he showed me a place where we grabbed a bite. And then we spent a couple of hours in his bedroom, talking about our old flames.

I love how he pays attention. Like when I was having a banana milkshake and he says "that thing you're doing is very you". "What am I doing?". I stirr my beverages with the straw. I hadn't noticed. Or like when he was reading my journal from the university (the one about the gang and I, full of drawings and funny phrases) and asked me about something; I pointed at the drawing of a bird with red hair (that type of bird = an in-joke with the gang) and cleared up, "oh, that's me". He said, "yeah, I remember". And inside I asked myself, how is it that he remembers I had red hair when I was in 3rd year?. He was in 1st year then. Then I remembered, he told me he'd noticed me.

Out of everything I do with him, laying in his bed talking is the best. He tells me his stories and he's interested in listening to mine. And we laugh and we tell things we wouldn't tell to other people. I get nervous, of course, like when I'm sitting cross-legged and he lays on his stomach with his shoulder touching my knee. And I say to him in my head, "man, don't get so close to me!". Being around him and enduring the desire to make out with him should be considered an extreme sport.

At some point in our conversation, he jumps out of his bed unexpectedly and he walks to one of his walls. Before I could turn, I heard him ripping something. "I have to remove her posters" (his exgirlfriend made him three posters and he has them on his bedroom walls). He didn't; I told him to remove one per day. She's been ripping him apart online, she's really, really mad and is saying hurtful things. JC is taking it in its stride and knows he caused her a lot of pain. A few nights ago he thanked me because I've met part of his dark side and yet I'm sticking with him, not judging him. Yeah, well, I've learned more adaptative, rational ways of thinking (the break-up with Joseph taught me a lot) over time and that helps me not see relationships in terms of black and white. And truth is, I like to learn about the male psychology. JC is my favorite subject.

He walked me to my car and we talked some more. We are a "we" now: we have to buy this present for a common friend that's throwing a party next saturday, we'll see each other as soon as possible, we have to make the cabin reservation (done! for December 12th, ZOMFG) and the payment in advance, etc. I think we make an awesome team.

I hugged him goodbye. And it's not just my mad feelings for him talking, it's also a gratitude hug...I can't thank him enough for the great time I have with him. So I spread my arms and wrap them around his neck. I was standing on the curb so we were almost the same height. And he puts his arms around my waist and pulls me toward him, which caught me off guard and made me mouth "fuck" when I found myself resting my head on his shoulder. Then I didn't want to let go, it felt so good. I hadn't felt this way before. It took a lot of effort for me to pull away from him.

Then I got in my car and drove home, and I think I had a little orgasm. In my mind, at least.

He's amazing.

The end.

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