I hadn't felt this accepted in a long time.
Saturday, 11.20.2010 - 8:04 pm.

Yesterday I gave CR another copy of my letter to Joseph. I didn't scold him or told him anything I wrote here yesterday for losing it; I just shoved the folded paper into his chest. It'll be enough if he delivers it. All he mentioned about giving Joseph the DVD was that Joseph was waiting for an explanation.

I considered modifying the letter, but I said, what for? Like I said in my previous entry, anything else would be unnecessary. Yes, I am in love with him and all, but everything I was thinking of adding implied, secretly, that I was hoping for another chance with him one day, thus believing he has any feelings left for me.

I can't live like that. I have to close this door and never open it again, I have to leave him behind. He chose to leave me, he chose somebody else over me. I believe that's a clear sign that he's not in love with me anymore and I hardly think he'd be capable of remembering why he once was in the first place, after finding another girl, a "better" girl than me. It's time to consider the possibility, the real possibility, of letting him go completely.

After meeting with CR, I came home to get ready for a BBQ get-together with a bunch of high school friends. I checked my e-mail one last time: the university in Chile had, unconditionally, accepted me to attend their program of master's in psychology.

I froze.

I read the acceptance letter.

I cried.

Could it be? Could it be that I'll finally get what I've been fighting for? It's only half the battle, though, because I still have to apply for the scholarship. The scholarship requires me to be accepted in an university. But damn, damn, damn...it could happen. And this time it's not just the usual hope for a chance, it's the reality of a chance.

A lot of people congratulated me. I didn't think there was that many people that cares for me that way, and it was heartwarming. I don't think I deserve all that affection but I guess the best I can do is earn it post facto, be deserving of it and be thankful for it. And pay it forward.

Some people thought the acceptance letter meant I'm leaving already...I had to clarify that I'm not, I don't have the money yet. If I do win the scholarship, I'd be taking off in February. I may not get it and one could say I was celebrating too early. But fuck, if I don't win this scholarship, at least I got to celebrate getting accepted. The university accepted me within four hours. I e-mailed the application at noon. I met with CR and when I returned, the director of the program had written back, saying I sent my application right on time because the committee was in session. Such nice people that work in that university, they've been so quick and precise to reply to my inquiries. God bless them. He even wished me luck with the scholarship.

In the evening, I went to the BBQ thing. These are seven kids that I went to school with, including my good friend Victoria (I mentioned others in this diary, in my high school years, *gasp* almost a decade ago: Norm, Rod, Marce; then there's Ximena, May and Claudia...she's the one that Art overlapped me with, but she knows what happened and she didn't do anything to me, and is so great to get along with). All of them are best friends between them, their friendship goes way back to middle school. I felt a bit out of place because of that, but I still had a lot of fun and was very happy to have been invited. I felt like I was in an episode of Friends.

I went to Rod's house and we went in his car to May's house (she was my best friend in 3rd grade). I love getting rides, I don't get them very often. He drives so fast and Guns 'n' Roses was playing on the radio, and then my favorite Velvet Revolver song came on. Good times.

Two other guys came to the dinner with Marce. One of them is after Victoria. At first I couldn't decipher which one was, and I hoped it was the uglier one. The other one was extremely cute, there was a bit of Brad Pitt in him (it's not like he looks like him...it's more like you take his features -eyes, nose, lips- and place them in a whiter, rounder face). Turned out, that's the one after her. But it's no big deal, it's not like I had a shot with him.

I hope they get together. He'd be such an improvement over the last guys she's dated. In the looks department, he's dreamy (and I'm very demanding when it comes to looks): cute face, great body type. He has a great sense of humor and is very kind. He's a medicine student, a couple of years younger than her. I saw them next to each other and I think they'd make a great couple. She's very extroverted, quite the opposite to him, or maybe he was acting like that because he was in an unfamiliar setting. I noticed him keeping distance from her but also trying to get close to her. Aaaawww.

See, facing a non-existent love life of my own, I'm dedicated to dissecting other people's love life.

So, hey, wish me luck with the scholarship!

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