Friday, May. 17, 2019 - 6:26 pm.
Today's the International Day against homophobia, transphobia, and biphobia, and a wide-reaching online newspaper published an article of mine about bisexuality. I wrote it for a print special-issue magazine they published some time this year (or last year?), and they asked me to re-publish it today.
I was flattered. I was grateful to the kind journalist who contacted me, because she thought of me for this magazine to begin with... and she interviewed me when my second book of short stories came out; I feel appreciated by her. So I was excited, but I was very scared, too. It says right there, the beginning of the second paragraph, "I'm bisexual".
I replied to the kind journalist, of course, you have my permission to re-publish it.
I'm not naive, this will reach my family sooner than later. And I'm seeing my parents on Tuesday. Andrew and I are traveling to the US on Tuesday, and they'll be there, and Brother #2 with conservative sister-in-law #2 will be there. And then Brother #1 and SIL #1. I don't know what to expect from any of them. At least I know my sister and Andrew will be there, too, and from them I have nothing but support.
I was aware of this risk of my family finding out the moment I was asked to write about bisexuality. I could have not disclosed my own orientation, but I think that's needed. And I'm my own person now. I don't need my parents' validation, nor I'm here to give explanations. I'm not scared-scared of them finding out, though, because I did not do anything wrong. They were not my target audience either.
I suppose my concern is that if/when they find out, they'll get all weird on me (specially SIL #2 who I suspect kinda hates me), and thus make these two weeks unbearable. And if they're upset, what's it to them, anyway, I married a man.
I should be happy that I'll be seeing my family after almost two years. Not quite. The bisexuality, the tattoos...the scandal. I'm mostly perplexed because I cannot for the life of me see anything wrong in either of these things. Yet at some point in my life, this feeling of being essentially wrong nearly cost me my sanity (hey, remember that I used to cut myself when I was a teenager?) I truly hope my article will save someone from that sort of anguish.
Oh, well, I have my PhD in fucking prejudice.
On the bright side, I thought this article would go unnoticed like all of my posts do, but it's being featured on the newspaper's website/social networks today. Yikes. Some people I know in real life have shared the article. A female Twitter follower I've never met said I was pretty! It feels nice! I'm getting me some love, and I'm staying away from the comments.
So this is what 15 minutes of fame feels like.
On another front, for a day or two it seemed like Andrew and I might try to stay in the UK after September, when our scholarship finishes. A teaching post to cover for maternity leave was announced in the area of Social Psychology. Andrew said go for it.
I actually felt optimistic that I could get it, and my second supervisor offered to help with the application. But then I found out they'll announce the chosen applicant until late August. We leave the house in late August, so the cats should be on their way to Chile by then. We'll have no income by then. We cannot afford to wait that long to know whether we can stay or we should go. So we're just going. As originally planned.
Let it be known, for the record, that I've been very happy these days. Despite the impending trip and the PhD exam, I've been relaxed and working on assorted projects. This week I've been studying my thesis. I also met with my first supervisor and did well with practice questions. Then I've been backing up my personal blog, finishing another round of corrections of my story, and mentally preparing for the next two weeks.
The latter, I should get back to. Hopefully I'll have the chance to update next week from New Mexico. Good Lord. Wish me luck.
prev / next