Keeping busy, feeling joy and loss
Friday, Jan. 31, 2020 - 4:44 pm.

It's been a good first week of vacation. Now I'm getting comfortably used to having all the day to myself, and it'll be hard to get back to work. But let's say I still have a good part of February ahead to enjoy it. And it's not like I haven't been busy.

Except for today, Andrew and I have met with friends every day since last week, for coffee or dinner, whether out or in our apartment. He and I have also taken to finally enjoying our apartment, going crazy with our nesting instinct. As far as our budget allows it.

It's the first time since we returned in September, and even since we started our moving process in August last year in the UK, that we get to fully enjoy and have control of our own space. Up until yesterday, any space I had to myself was temporary. Right now, though, I'm writing from my new desk in my own studio, which has the view of the biggest window of the apartment (I see trees, the street, a gas station, and part of my university, mostly the building with the office which my boss lent me). Andrew got the other desk and the other room next to mine for gaming purposes. And then we have the kitchen, dining room, and living room to hang out.

It feels good, I'm grateful for what feels like a tiny yet big victory. Being this "settled down" seemed like a distant dream when we started to pack up our stuff (and our cats) last August, and even at the start of last December. In a way, it was bound to happen, it just seemed that it wasn't happening fast enough.

And I don't mean to sound dramatic but it hurts to remember our life in the UK. Everything was so beautiful and full of possibilities, everything worked properly, at least for us and our needs. I often can't believe I was there (for YEARS!), and at the same I can't believe I'm not going back there. I mean, I could go back to visit, but I'll never have a life there again. Everything was sort of unbelievable, even as I was living it. I soaked in my every minute there, though, so I feel like that place and that life have been deeply imprinted in me. Now, I suddenly get flashbacks of moments or places and my heart hurts deeply. It's just a sense of loss, I suppose.

Brexit is also a sad, maddening thing.


Other things keeping me busy besides social and domestic life:

- Reading a book in praise of homosexuality, a gift from Brother #3 when I saw him a few weeks ago. Bless this man.

- Reading Daniela Vega's memoir (the protagonist of the movie "A fantastic woman", which won an Oscar a few years ago), a birthday gift from Andrew. Bless this man as well.

- Reading the draft of my dad's latest novel. After years of studying fiction and writing my own, I can totally see why this manuscript didn't take off in a literary contest he submitted it to. His main request was that Andrew and I read it to design the cover, but he said he welcomed feedback so I'll work on a few notes.

- Taking a lenghty online course on character design, a Christmas gift from my friend Stan back in Sheffield. I miss her so much.

- Taking a six-week online course on human rights of LGBTI person, brought to my attention by my friend Eric back in Sheffield. I miss him so much.

- Working on my comics. I also have a couple of designs in mind for my online store, which needs some updating. All this drawing business brings me infinite joy.

And now I'll get back to that last activity.

I thought it was just me who felt that January was excessively long, but I've seen many comments online about it, and it seems it's a common, if not generalized, feeling. In my case, it felt like two months, one spent in my home country and the other here, starting my new job and being on holiday and nesting.

See you in February.

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