Smitten and flustered and bi
Friday, Sept. 23, 2022 - 5:25 pm.

I'm being shameless and writing this entry from my office. In my defense, I'm done with my workload for the week. Having an office rules.

House update: we've been trying to buy that last house that we saw. It's the one. The realtor made us the final offer on behalf of the owner, and we've been pre-approved by a bank. We could still lose the house to a higher bidder, so Andrew and I are making a major effort to not daydream about getting it.

We're hoping to get an official bank approval by the start of next week, and then we can rush to the realtor and offer to buy the house. Cross your fingers for us. We'll be a bit restless this weekend until everything is solved.

Onto another subject... it's been a while since I've had a crush. The wait is over. A guy from school has been popping up here and there, let's call him E. I must've mentioned him here sometime (in my past entries about my past life in high school), perhaps even by his last name.

Anyway, E was way out of my league. He was older, a few years ahead of me in school. He was very smart and well-read, and dated my friend C., whom I thought was one of the coolest girls ever (not in a "I'm crushing on her" sort of way, I was happy to be her friend). So if she was his standard, I had no chance with him at all.

I know he enjoyed reading my comics in school at some point. I remember him approaching me one time during recess with one of my notebooks in hand and calling me a genius due to a Teletubbies strip. I was overjoyed. Before and after that, though, he didn't pay attention to me. We weren't friends. He was one of those people you see from afar and wish you could get closer to, but you know they're not interested in doing so, and so you feel flattered just because they know your name.

Social media did me a solid, though, and we've mutually followed each other for ages on IG. Silently. I guess it was that thing of seeing someone you once knew, and feeling like learning what they're up to now.

Then I got an IG account for my comics and... he still gets them. He comments on some posts. I feel a type of appreciation for my doodles that I've only perceived from Andrew and Helen, and hey, I haven't even slept with him (in all fairness, I've known Andrew and Helen long and deeply enough to know that they genuinely like what I write, outside of their personal relationship with me).

E and I have been exchanging messages lately because a while ago I posted something about an anthology of Latin American sci-fi short stories. He learned through me that this book existed and bought it (told you he's a reader). We both read it, and then we discussed our impressions. Long story short, we weren't fans of it.

But also, a while ago, he bought my book. My goddamned novel. He read it and he liked it a lot. I'm sorry, to me that's just perfect. I'm grateful and honored that anybody would be interested in and enjoy what a write, and it isn't so often that I come across that kind of person. Then I remember who he is and I get all smitten and flustered because I had a major crush on that guy and he was just so out of my league (a proto-Joseph, it just occured to me, a bad-boy type with an intellectual flare. Though I'm not sure E'd qualify as a bad boy, I was just pretty vanilla in school).

We were talking one of these nights... actually, it's the only night we've "talked", as in, having a conversation in real time... but we were talking about books and writing and he offered to help me publish my next book. Like, editing and distributing and whatever. Not in a "I'll make you a star, baby" delusional way, just, hey, let me know if I can help you with feedback or ebook-making or distributing. Which got me all smitten and flustered and honored all over again.

And yeah, well, that's it.

I've also noticed he likes IG posts of drag queens and we bond over posts about Guillermo from What we do in the shadows. I'm sorry not sorry, IG shows his likes to me. Hence, I suspect he's not "fully straight", which if true, would be a blessing on top of a blessing.

Speaking of blessings, today is Bisexual Visibility Day. What a joy. Andrew thought was straight, Helen thought was a lesbian, and both came out as bi after being with me, so I must be doing something right (OK, so there's not a causal link but can I have some credit, please?). Andrew and I will celebrate tonight with dinner and booze.


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