A couple of good things, dissidence(?) and somber possibilities
Friday, Sept. 30, 2022 - 6:23 pm.

Well, someone else bought the house we wanted. We were blindsided on Monday as the buyers were relatives of the owner and unknown to our realtor. But hey, these things happen.

The good news is that we got approval from the bank, and so we're ready to buy if something else comes up. And it might. We got a phone call this afternoon about another house on the market in the neighborhood we want. But we shall wait and see.

On another note, I've spent this whole week reeling from a meeting on Tuesday with a bunch of queer academics. We're creating a task force to apply for a grant. I really like the leader, the guy putting together this group. He has a lot of patience and is very kind. The task force sounds nice on paper, queer researchers from all over Latin America. But I'm not a fan of how many of them handle certain aspects of queerness pertaining to language and methodologies.

So on Tuesday we had an online meeting to work on the details of the grant proposal. I'm not gonna go into detail, but in this meeting I gave my opinion about the name of this potential task force. Another queer activist, the loudest of the bunch, replied to me saying a bunch of stupid shit that doesn't hold up when you start asking questions.

I only kept quiet because I didn't want to turn this into an argument and make the meeting longer. I also wasn't sure how capable I was of providing sufficient arguments to sway the audience. My ego was sore for the rest of the week, though, all the more so because most members of this group, if not all, agreed with her.

See, I just think that when you start talking about "sexistence" and "rexistence" and that you're such a rebel and dissident just because you are you, you're bound to talk a lot without necessarily saying much.

But what do I know, right? I'm not even "dissident enough" to the eyes of many queer academics and activists.

(nor do I care to be. Fuck that noise)

It's my dad's birthday today. We sent him birthday wishes in our family chat, and he hasn't replied. This silence is very out of character for him, but understandable given the circumstances. I'm not even sure if I should give him a call. I mean, I don't even want to. 

It gets worse for him every year, I guess. I understand he's in pain, scared, and mourning the loss of his physical abilities. Yet, even before this, it's always sucked that he's more focused on his narratives of misery and self-pity than on the great things that he's accomplished and the love that surrounds him. It's a mixture of depression and a pathological personality, I suppose. He's lived digging his own grave. 

Edit: Ok, I was being too harsh. I called him, and he's in a good mood. I also got some pictures of him, my mom and my siblings having cake and he looks like he's enjoying himself, so yay!


I'm in a somber mood because I just learned that one of my former professors and sort of boss of mine, M., was airlifted to the capital city for emergency hospital care. Her health declined quickly and drastically in the last couple of months. First a bacteria, then pneumonia, then it was, is, cancer. All that with a bunch of complications that just makes you think the worst.

M. is Andrew's boss. She was to Andrew what my boss has been to me, opening up a window in uni for him when no one else cared to open a door. M. was also my boss' ride-or-die at some point, as both were women and researchers teaming up in grants and projects, acing their job and gaining power in academia to the dismay of their male colleagues. My boss and M grew apart the last couple of years, but it's always been cordial between them.

I also haven't been a fan of some aspects of M's performance as a boss/supervisor, but she's been a good teacher and colleague. Of course I care about her, and I'm so scared for her. I want to hope for the best.

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