turn every FUCKing thing OFF.
Tuesday, 12/17/02 - 12:23 pm.

For the second time in less than one week, my internet service fucked me over. And to make it more interesting, let's fuck the TV, too.

Since yesterday everything has been happening. EVERYTHING.

Two night ago, I was with Alan, helping him to send a file. It wouldn't send it, and it won't, because it has to be 200KB and his is 202KB.

While I was putting up with his frustration, Cel called me and informed that his uncle had commited suicide. She sounded very calm, and that's maybe because she has given a lot of thought to suicide, like I have (100% sure that we're not doing it, but thinking about it).

Then, a few minutes later, Carlos (brother) called, saying that Maria (girlfriend) had fallen down the stairs at home. She almost breaks her leg and is wearing a cast.

I went to bed, and I thought a lot about suicide. Then suddenly (completely unrelated to the first topic), it hit me: Alan, is leaving home. For good. Just like Renan did. For the first time since I heard the news (halfway through this year) I cried. I'm going to miss him so much.

Next day (yesterday) I woke up, and spent the entire day painting my bedroom. It's very uncomfortable being in there, it's a MESS.

I couldn't stand my body, I was so damn tired. It was 5 o'clock and decided to watch TV, instead of sitting in front of the PC.

I turn it on...and it doesn't work. So I go online...or try to. The internet doesn't work either. But I'm too tired to even express any emotion. So my dad calls the Internet/Cable Company.

I put on Help!, by The Beatles.

And I went to bed early. My bedroom was very uncomfortable, my own body was very uncomfortable.

By the way, throughout the day, there was some guy fixing the bathroom, the floor, the sewers...so I wasn't even able to walk through the house without stepping on tools, or seeing DO NOT USE 'TIL TOMORROW signs.

I woke up this morning, Javier (my nephew) was here. No TV, no Internet, my house is a mess, specially my bedroom. It also hit me: Renan (brother), Denise (brother's wife), Renan (brother's son) and Rebeca (brother's daughter) are coming this thursday.

Excuse me if I'm not showing my emotions, I'm really angry for all that's been going on, but I'm also too tired to do anything but a passive bitching.

We've had five people this morning, to fix something in the house. My cousin came to take a big piece of furniture. We've been getting calls (that's not important, the thing is that I am the one who has to answer the phone and take the message, which is annoying -please have in mind my telephonophobia-)...get the door, answer the phone, take care of Javier, explain the Internet/Cable guy what is wrong (LIKE I KNEW, DAD!)...I finally finished painting my bedroom...but I still have to clean up the mess (including my hands), don't be happy for me just yet.

I'd forgotten that today I have to go pick up my PAES grade and my class of 2002 sweatshirt.

(What's this "you come in here by your own will" message I get in DLand when trying to submit an entry, anyway?...what a ridiculous person).

I think I'm not so far from meeting Cel's uncle.

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