Wednesday, 09/24/03 - 12:14 pm.
I got The Beatles Anthology yesterday. The book. Yes, I'm so happy about that. I also bought two Asterix comics. All that cost me $39.60, and now I have a guilt complex, because I always feel guilty when I spend so much money. I won't allow myself to have allowance this week, seriously. I should be saving for my trip to Houston in december.
I must admit the books kept me smiling for the rest of the day, though. I couldn't get enough of them.
I saw D yesterday, when I was on my way to my guitar lessons. I was going to meet up with Rod because he was going to give me back a VCR cleaner. And, what a coincidence (a coincidence I was hoping would happen), D was with him. They happen to have a class together.
Oh, no, nothing happened. I never looked at him and he never looked at me (except for when he leaned forward for me to kiss him in the cheek, but that's custommary in the planet I come from). I suppose you could say it's all in the past now. I walked away thinking that it was weird that I wasn't feeling like crying. I can't explain what kind of feelings I was having. It was like...feeling nothing, duh. I also thought of the possibility that the feelings could be hiding somewhere in my hypothalamus.
Well, I forgot about him one minute later. Between guitar lessons, getting The Beatles book and having my midterm (it was kind of easy), thinking of my high school sweetheart who turned out to be a source for teenage angst was an unimportant tangent.
I did have a dream about it. I dreamed D was in my house and I found his online diary. When he found out (because I'd written down the URL) he begged me not to read it. I'd thought I'd say yes and pretend I wouldn't, but he begged so wholeheartedly I promised myself I would forget about that diary.
Then I was in my kitchen, and it was midnight. I'd just taken a bath. And he walked in, in a while bathrob, because he also had taken a bath (in another bathroom, of course). He started to tease me and I told him smiling, and leaning against the fridge, that he was a nightmare. He smiled back and came closer to me. Don't try to figure out the rest (it was *cough*nice*cough*, though).
All in all, now that I think about it pretty well, he wasn't the one. Or maybe now I think that way because it's been a year and we only keep growing apart.
Some days I just wake up wanting to fall in love, to find that special person. I love my boyfriend a lot but I'm not in love with him. I suppose real love is pretty much about building and reinventing the relationship everyday. Every guy/girl who treats you right is the right person, but it's no use if you're not in love. I was in love when I agreed to go out with him. But, for reasons beyond my human reasoning, I'm not anymore.
Some other days, though...I just want to find a best friend, or two or three, and go abroad with a digital camera and guitars, to a very, very cold place, so we can wear black and white winter clothes (The Beatles did something similar, in their early days in Hamburg. Ok, so back in their days there weren't digital cameras, but they were best friends having a great time, that's the point).
Everything I've said in this entry are just long, fat tangents, though. I actually have nothing to say today.
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