Friday, 07/26/02 - 3:29 pm.
This...this is the type of girl every man has ever wanted...look at her, all stoic and with just one worry in her life: to find the solution to an empty life, Vic said, pointing out to me. Aw...he's always boosting my self esteem.
I'd been thinking about The Guy since his last call. I feel free now that I don't love him. Yet I know he's still mine. I always say no, go fuck someone else, and he keeps coming back to me. I don't quite understand why, though, since we never talk at school. But yeah, I got the feeling he's always coming back for some. Happily and sadly, he'll never get it from me. I don't want to lose my virginity (if we're talking about walking the whole mile) to a boy I barely know. He's (kind of) my friend....and I still love him, but not like I used to.
On the english period, we were taken to the green tables to work on some material about reading skills. I sat next to a table with Victor, Ricardo, Vic and another boy. Vic and Ricardo started acting gay. They're always arguing over who did who and stuff, so hilarious. I want to keep them in a bottle in my house when school is over. Those boys look divine when they act as homosexuals, let me tell you.
The first recess...yeah, I was with Denv. He came from behind and bit me. And we stayed together...with Veronica, but it's the same. Sometimes he'd hug her but...it's different with her, I don't feel jealous (well, first off, she has a boyfriend, Clown). He and I play with each other's hands a lot, always holding them, making them clap and such.
Then I didn't see him. And I felt empty just to think I wouldn't. To make it worse, my classmates and I were losing the last recess to take a test.
Vic had something...how to describe it?...some kind of "emotional orgasm". He walked in the classroom crying and smiling. Tyler, my girlfriend just told me the most fuckin' sweet thing to me...it'd been so long since I heard her say that....every word, so perfectly worked up.......I don't understand that kind of love, since I'd never been in the situation that I love someone and that someone loves me back with the same intensity, and I didn't ask him what she said, but I could feel it...he was so enchanted he seemed to be in a cloud (and as he was talking, I felt he was dragging me up to it). He was so happy I could tell he's truly in love. That was very tender. He's a tough guy, and just seeing him with tears in his eyes, smiling, because of love...it's just sweet. I was about to cry, too. I love it when I see him so happy, specially when it's because of his girl. They've been together for around 3 years now.
Speaking of her...I owe her my life. She's very nice to me, and loves Aerosmith (she adores Steven), too. The point is...lately I've been lending her my math book. It's so heavy (around 1,000 pages) that people avoid carrying it...I don't know if she has it or not, but anyway, Vic asked me to lent it to her. Yesterday, and today. She's in the same classroom as Denv (room B). And she had math on the last period. The bell rang for dismissal and I walked in her classroom to get it back. Thankya, Tyler!. I walked out and I felt his hand grabbing my arm: meat, meat, I want meat...may I bite you?. I smiled and said no. He put his arm around my neck and we headed to Julio's office to say hi, then walked a short distance (he put his arm around me again) and then said goodbye. See ya...at night, he said. If it wasn't for Vic's girl and my motherfucking math book, none of that would've happened.
And was a nice surprise too, as I had lost hope for getting in touch with him today, when the second recess was over.
I saw The Guy, by the way. The juniors went on a trip, but he stayed, he just went to school to hang out for a while. I saw him and said hi. But we didn't talk. Later on, I saw him with some girls...it got me thinking...about all I think. When we're on the phone, he's got something that makes me feel I'm the only one for him, although I know he's not in love with me. But face to face, we're merely stranger-friends. Yeah, whatever. It's not like it, oh, so breaks my heart. No, I'm long over him.
But Denv...I still can't get over him. He's just my friend, just my friend, I know. But he makes me feel...fulfilled or something like it...complete? When I realized I wasn't seeing him for the rest of the day, I felt empty. And seeing him after dismissal cheered me up so much.
Tomorrow I'm going to the orphanage...I'm trying to be stoic. That's very important. I've told Vic he needs to. He's getting pierced this tuesday. I couldn't convince him not to. So I just told him to be stoic and save some blood of his for me. It's all fun until someone loses an eye.....God, I hope he won't lose his. His eyebrow will suffer. But then again, he's the self-destruction supporter and doesn't care about pain.
Simeon is on the dimension next to this one. He says hi *Simeon twangs fork from the next dimension*.
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