Saturday, 02/16/08 - 8:24 pm.
I've dedicated the whole afternoon to think about my future. I searched universities, scholarship possibilities...I still feel like crying because I don't understand half of it, but I've made some progress. I'll be taking the TOEFL soon, hopefully, within a couple of months or less.
My niece is back in Houston, but I don't believe she finished the program in Utah. I'm very nervous, and by talking to brother #1 I get the feeling they're pretty worn down and still embracing for the worst. Gosh. She'll turn 14 next week, and I'd like to hope she'll be a bit more mature. But the experience shows us she most likely won't be. Damn kid, what does it take to respect your fucking parents?
Joseph has been down with the flu, and I got mad at him. Not at him being sick...I just feel I don't have a boyfriend anymore, it's more like I adore a puppy at a pet store, and I go visit him when I can, but will never take home.
Both so-called special occassions, my birthday and V-day, share two keywords, about how I spent them: "nothing" and "alone". I'm trying not to be corny, I'm actually indifferent about V-day, but seriously, for the outside world, I'm single: I don't get visits, I don't get phone calls, I have no one to take me out.
To make matters worse, my going abroad plans include him, but if we'd ever try for him to get a visa, there's no way to prove that we're together. Legally, socially, materially we have nothing to prove we're an item (not necessarily married). It probably isn't as bad as I'm making out to be, but still upsets me. Four years, I say to myself, and I get nothing.
He's a good boyfriend, really. In fact, he called me tonight, just for the sake of it, which he hadn't done in a while. But there are some things I wish were different in our relationship. I'll tell him next time I see him. Hopefully tomorrow. I really, really need to get some things off my chest.
Oh, Rose is gone. Her last day at work was this week. She cried, and I was a little teary myself. She worked here for 8 years, she was family. I'm upset because she's going to stay home and be dependent on her husband, who recently knocked up a 17 year-old and a few years ago sent Rose to the hospital after beating her up. We -parents and I- talked to her several times; we understood and respected her need to take a break from working, she wants to overcome some health problemas and pursue her own vital projects...but damn, with that guy? No one told her "don't do it", but we tried to put the facts for her to think twice about this. Once the man controls the money, he easily feels entitled to control the woman. *Sigh* She's gone nonetheless.
She did leave a good woman in her place. I liked her inmediately, and she made friends with my pets quickly, which was pretty much my only criterion for a new housekeeper. I felt so bad for her, she was fearful of coming here because at her last job she was forced to work from 5 am to 11 pm. Geez! So we set the record straight, we need a helping hand, not a slave. She was relieved, and she's pretty nice. The second day she was here (she stays over) she seemed very comfortable already, and we felt we could trust her.
But it was too good to be true. Last night she got a phone call. Her boyfriend in the United Stated wants her to reunite with him, so she'll travel there. Ilegally. I'm really mad, first because she was what we needed, and second, because that's a dangerous journey. But again, we're not about to say "don't do it", as it's not our decision. And now her sister will work with us. I met her today, she seems alright. But we'll see.
And this is what's been going on. Tune in next time.
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