Saturday, 05/22/04 - 8:02 pm.

My brother has only one week left in this country, and I'm already starting to feel...something in my ribcage. It's tearing me apart, hi.

My nephew got a small crab today. And my sister is going to the beach tomorrow, and will set it free. She deserves a standing ovation.

I woke up this morning and the bus fare had gone up 13 cents. That sounds insignificant, but not quite. It was $0.17 and now it's $0.30. If you have in mind that many people live on $1 a day (my friend Victor, for example) and they take at least two buses per day, then you can say things are getting pretty Uglier. It's always been ugly.

Joseph was complaining about that today (and believe me, he never, NEVER complains about anything). He was cursing the cops and a sensationalistic TV newscast, but that I didn't get. And I didn't ask. I think the cops were around, to make sure everybody paid the fare. And the sensationalistic journalists were there making a report about the tremendous consequences of the bus fare increase.

I don't take the bus, because I'm spoiled and overprotected. But the gas prices have gone up, too, so I hear my dad complain and freak out. It's not exactly a complaint, it's more like...I don't know, a release of his feelings.

I had to be at the university today, to take a quick course on how to use SPSS. But class was called off, because the license had expired. I left, but I could tell a few of my classmates had a blast. They took advantage of the free internet access, and checked their e-mails.

I met up with Joseph, and we must've spent almost two hours together. He introduced me to a dog. You see, it's very normal to see homeless, skinny dogs walking around, just walking around, as if they're in a hurry (Angel and I often wonder where they go in such hurry). And so, I saw one near us, in the campus. It was female, and it broke my heart, she was just skin and bones. All dirty and skinny.

I told him to look at the dog. And he said: Candy, come here. And "Candy" came up to us. Do you ALWAYS know everybody?, I asked him. I was in awe. He greets a lot of people, but I didn't expect for him to greet a dog. He says, though, "expect the unexpected".

The dog climbed on me. Did I care she was a dirty dog from the street? No, of course not. I kept her on my lap, as I caressed her ears. She was very affectionate. Joseph explained to me that his friend Fer had "introduced" him to her. That was sweet. That was really sweet, meeting a dog. I wanted to bring her home and feed her.

Aside from the dog, we talked about death. He doesn't care about how he'll die, as long as it's not in a car crash. He also lent me a Stephen King book, The Gunslinger (we trade Aerosmith, Silverchair, Alexander Dumas and Stephen King). He says it'll remind me of him. Aaaww, I'm constantly thinking about him, I don't need any reminders. But yes, I'll read it as soon as I get a chance.

One thing that does cause me a bit of trouble is our "displays of affection". I mean, he's very affectionate, and I don't mind because I'm physically attracted to him as's just that it's embarrasing for me to do it in a public place. It's not just that my brother (who works there) might catch us, nor that somebody who knows my parents will see us and will run to tell my dad (it's a remote possibility, a possibility nonetheless). It's just embarrasing, ok? I am so proud to be his girlfriend, I really am, but it embarrases me to be making out in public.

He called me in the afternoon, and I'm hoping he'll call me tonight, as I'm home alone. No, I don't mean doing any dirty talking (our conversations are quite intellectual, really), it's just that if my parents see I'm starting to spend a lot of time on the phone, with a boy...well, it'll be obvious.

I'm very ambivalent on telling my parents about Joseph. I'd like to, because he's very important to me, and maybe that way I could go out with him, to the movies or something, without having to lie saying I'm going with somebody else ("friends"). But I'm scared, because they could not approve of him...mostly because of his age and his looks and his occupation (*cough*nothing...yet, remember he'll start psychology next semester). And because they could get all paranoid, "oh, you just want to be at the university earlier to mingle with that vagrant, you should apply yourself and study more".

But I really love him. We were talking about movies in the afternoon, how we both wanted to have a life like Wayne's World and such. I'm not going to say we're very alike, but we certainly mix well. I have this Fight Club poster on my wall, there's a smiling Tyler Durden (Pitt) and a very serious Narrator (Norton)...and I see the both of us, because he's a lot like the former and I'm a lot like the latter. In the end (in the movie) both characters are the same person. That's what happens with us.

Do you remember The Truman Show? Jim Carrey's character (Truman, duh) made the face of a woman with scraps of different girls. Joseph told me that, and then he said he was for me like the sum of many scraps. And he's right. He's got a little of every boy and man I've ever been attracted to, from rock stars, actors, cartoons, characters from books and movies, songs, even friends. It's odd, and it takes my breath away. He takes my breath away.

Meanwhile, back to the ranch, I'm falling asleep. I've taken two naps today, I just don't want to study for midterms. I'm very worried about my academic life right now, I have a lot to do.

Ok, bye.

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