Tuesday, 02/05/02 - 8:52 pm.
I believe the biggest highlight of the day is that I was late for school. Traffic jam has increased horribly. I got to school right after the first bell (there are two bells, the 6:55 am one -"get ready, kids"- and the 7:00 am one -classes start-). But I was earlier than I thought, so I happily saved myself from being listed with a L, for late. It would've been lame, specially because keeping track of who's late is my job.
I just got one e-mail message from Rene. He keeps rubbing in my face that he oh-loves someone else. I couldn't care less...*ahem*, to sound polite...what he does with other girls is none of my bussiness.
The e-mail contains the following: I got a question: how do you know a girl likes you?.
*Simeon rolls eyes and sighs*
E-mail #1 --> My long answer: if I knew how to know that a boy likes me, I'd probably be able to tell you how to find out if a girl likes you. Unfortunately, the personalities of each human being may vary - therefore, it's impossible for people and other organic beings like yours truly to find out that kind of things. Also, keep in mind that I don't know her. But go for it or you'll screw up your chance...hell, you may as well screw up the chance, but at least you tried. Best regards, me :).
E-mail #2 --> My short answer: no fucking clue.
No big deal happened today. Spent no time with Veronica -as usual-, spent some time with Carmen and Phillip, stayed after classes to study with Carmen, have a lot of assignments, had a short, smart conversation with my good ol' Fidel. Cel and Art went with me to pick Javier up again...I was happy about it, I thought they 'd never do it again (for no specific reason).
I did have a laughter breakdown, I was having LOL periods every five minutes. Everything seemed silly to me. Maybe I was the silly one. Don't know, don't care. I was really happy inside of me.
And The Guy called....aw. We started talking, asking boring questions over and over: how are you?, how you been doing...he asked me that question several times and I knew it: sometimes, he asks those a couple of times and then goes: well, just checking on you, gotta go. Other times, like this one, he stays in the same spot for some time until he breaks in: hey, are you stressed?...don't you want to relax...?...and there he goes, with his oh-so-known-to-me sex monologue. No, actually, he's always talking me into taking off my clothes and shit. I always say "no", I always think "fuck you".
Anyway, he tried that for about 15 minutes, I kept saying no (funny, funny conversation). I made a pause because I was thinking of something to tell him, and I think he took for granted that I was indeed taking my shirt off. He started talking sex shit: how are we doing so far?. Uh, good, I said, trying not to burst out. He asked me three times. At one point, he realized how fake I was sounding. Honestly, I didn't give a fuck. He said: you're not doing it, are you?. I asked: are YOU?. He didn't answer, he said again you're not doing it, you little liar. And I went again: are you?.
I think I embarrassed him, which in some part of me that was truly uncomfortable, because I love him and I wish I'd make happy, or in the least not make him feel bad. On the other hand, my self-esteem side went: well, he got what he deserved. You'd said no, he went on without listening. That's true. Yet I believe he wasn't doing it either. Anyway, he sounded embarrassed and changed topic before he hung up. Surprinsingly, he didn't hung up as soon as he found out I wasn't "doing it".
Before, and after, he started talking about sex, we were talking about school. I mentioned that Diana, our english teacher, had chosen Aerosmith's Walk This Way -ABOUT FUCKIN' TIME!!!!- to play it for the students in the class, to help with pronunciation (I don't think there's that many people who can really sing along to that song -*ahem*, of course, yours truly can-, let alone spanish-speaking students). The thing is though, as I mentioned it to my sweet stupid guy, that the lyrics, the subject, are a bit...."in your face".
- Him: Like what? (trying to put aside the sound of embarrassment in his voice).
- Me: Masturbation and threesomes.
- Him: And she told you she wanted *that* song?.
- Me: Yeeeh, she said she liked it.
- Him: hhhmmm, I can see why....
I do think she doesn't even know what the song is about, she just went for it, although I had offered her Dream On. Hey, for me, the heavier, the better, that's Aerosmith (not "Jaded" nor "...Miss A thing"). And I'm not planning to tell her. I'm taking the lyrics tomorrow though. I hope she doesn't chicken out when she finds out what they're about (IF she finds out *Simeon grins evily*).
I told the guy that he doesn't need to worry about getting laid, the next retirement will be on march (Junior High's, he's repeating, remember?) and I'm sure he'll find someone else and suddenly he'll forget everything about me (it did hurt me saying that, but it's true...at least part of it). Yeah, and I'm Superman, he said.
Apparently, he's not betting on doing that again. Shyeah, right. Holy Haunted 25 Watts Bulbs, Batman...I don't believe him. Sometimes I think he likes me but that's just when I'm quite desperate. Plus, even in those dellusional periods, I know that I'm wrong. It's just that sometimes he's so sweet to me. On the other hand, like today: yeah, but until march arrives......reffering to him and me, doing *that* little something until he goes on "retirement" and, -him quoting me- "finds someone else". Maybe he was trying to tell me: hey, have sex with me while you can. Shit, kid. Fuck yourself, you've got hands.
Cel is jealous of this girl named Elsy. I shouldn't bring this up, but I happen to have felt the same way towards Elsy several times, too. When I liked Cory -for just a week, but it was tough-, everytime I'd try to get close to him, there she was. The Guy, The Guy....she was (and still is) with him. I'd see them both and I'd go: girl, you've got your own fucking boyfriend already!. Not that she was flirting of anything with him, I guess she's his best friend. They talk politely for even hours...still, I wanted -and still want- to be The Guy's best friend. And then, when I heard Art wanted to be my friend and I was trying to get close to him -because I wanted to be his friend, too- I'd always see her with him, again, just talking, like she's Lucy (the girl from Peanuts), with the The doctor is in sign.
Don't get me wrong, this girl...it's like she's the perfect teenager. Smart, popular, beautiful, kind to everybody, nice, always there to help you, to listen to you...the only flaw I could find in her is that she's always with the guy I want to talk to. It's just my luck, I know. She's not the kind of girl who does something shitty, much less to fuck you up. Well, she doesn't have a boyfriend anymore. Last year I thought that maybe she and The Guy would...um, pair up. That hurt me, but what could I do, anyway? I believe that won't happen though (even if it happened, I'd still like her and wish her the world). Anyway, I still feel some strange thing when I see her with him (yeah, ok, jealousy. Right where this paragraph started).