Thursday, 02/14/02 - 8:40 pm.
Love was all around today. Everybody was hugging and giving presents to everybody. I got three little notes (from Adriana, Sophie and Angelica) and one greeting card, made by Veronica. Yes, that's all I got...speaking in a material way. I made little cards for so many people (Dany, Fat Girl, Melvin, Vero, Carmen, Fidel, Julio, Hector, Cel, Art, Phil, Angelica...)...it was nice, they all loved them. Like I told Fidel: there's still people who refuse to let consumerism win.
I even gave one to the guy, in public (notice that "public" refers to the fact that we're surrounded by people, not that we have audience or anything). He was in front of me, giving my lovely fat girl a hug and a kiss for Valentine's Day. I called him and gave it to him. He said thank you and just shook my hand. No, don't worry, it didn't depress me. I think I'm over him. I still love him, but as a friend. In fact, this afternoon, both of us, Cory, Mars and Christian were talking...the point is, we both were having face-to-face interaction. It was no big deal. I did feel a bit awkward though, I barely turned my head to him, but it was not that I was ashamed or anything. We're really not that close. I kissed everybody good-bye and when I approached to him, he turned his cheek, like saying: this is the place. Yeah, of course. I had no intentions of placing my lips anywhere else.
Ok, I'll be real. I did feel lonely for a while, after seeing the guy hugging and kissing my friend, Fat Girl. But not because of him. It was because of *a* him, but not him exactly. It was the absense of someone I don't even know. It's stupid, I know. I am crappy.
I spent a lot of time of the day feeling kind-of lonely...but not completely. Carmen didn't give me anything, neither did Fidel nor Phillip...because they do believe in friendship, not in Valentine's Day. I mean, they don't need that "holiday", they appreciate friendship everyday. So does Angelica, so do I...but I felt the need to do something for some people. I love it when they go...awww, you did this for me?...the group of people I hang out with, are quite spiritual, or at least "not-material". We enjoy the simple, little, true things of life.
I was somewhat sad, because of this stupid feeling of needing someone and such....and suddenly appears Nayda, Fidel's "daughter" (she's a Junior)...I see myself in her, in a lot of ways...I opened my arms when I saw her, so did she, and we hugged each other. I swear to God, everything negative was erased by the smile that this simple action left in me. It was a hug, from someone who's quite like me (and looks like Chelsea Tyler!!!). Life is great, I thought. And that made my day. Only that. I made a little note for her, and left it in some kind of mailbox the people in her classroom have created. That's really cute. She's really cute.
*Cute*. Cuteness was all around. Not in me. I still try to figure out what's this thing that's bothering me so much. Is not the consumerism...I think is that someone special (how many times have I said that, dammit?). I don't want one as a Valentine, I don't want someone to tell me poems and cheesy stuff. I just feel this little hole in every heartbeat, and I'm really not sure what it is. I mean, my life is full...I looked at my friends today, how they really didn't care about Valentine's Day, because for them and for me, friendship is not a holiday. But I do feel something's missing and it's surely not because of Valentine's Day. Aww, screw it, it'll pass.
I told the Society that the parrot (my design for the prom mascot) was left-handed and jesuit (many thought it was a nice idea, but later on I threw away the idea). They went like: what?!? He's gay?!?. It pissed me off. It fuckin' pissed me off. They should stop drinking, they're becoming more and more stupid everyday. Anyway, I created him and they can't tell me what to do with. Fuck them. Tomorrow is the meeting to choose the design, I believe mine is the most popular, and most likely, everybody's favorite. The point is...aw, he's jesuit, so he's gay...what the fuck is that?
Yeah, ok. This was one lame entry, I'd better go work on my homework. Art said he'd call me today...I think he failed today's english test. I told him that we (him, Celina and me) should get together to study. I saw him worried about english, so I'm sure we'll make a little schedule for the three of us to study. If he calls. By the way, Celina lent me her ring...it's so precious, it has a dolphin on it. I love dolphins. Art gave it to her. They're such a great couple.
Shit, today there was a concert in the school auditorium...the Symphonic Orchestra ROCKED!!!!!! Fuck, I hope the webmaster of the ESJ (my school) website uploads the MP3s to it. I was in Heaven, seeing Disney's Fantasia. Classical music rocks!!!! (there were some boring parts, but in all, it was amazing).
There's something more important than Valentine's Day today....today, back in 1984, Aerosmith was getting back together....*HUGE tear in left eye*...GO, AEROSMITH!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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