Lust is hilarious.
Saturday, 04/27/02 - 7:16 pm.

I had the funniest night last night.

MtvLa has this show called Arturo goes looking for happinness. Arturo is a VJ...or he was. Heck, he was the first one to make me feel...hormonal in a strong way. You wouldn't believe my drooling over him. I fell in love. Eventually, he left Mtv and I forgot about him. I got over him. And now I only laugh and laugh at him.

That show....dear God, I should tape it. What he does to find happinness it's just so...stupid. In a hilarious way, I mean. He's a fuckin' clown. With a great body. But oh, man....I hope that show airs tonight again. I've watched it about 3 times this weekend.

I couldn't watch the entire show last night though. Because The Guy called me.

I believe it's the most hardcore phone session we've ever had. No,'s not phone sex. Not in its entirity.

What I said yesterday about relationships....actually, The Guy is giving me quite an experience. I get the feeling I do have experiences, but...I've had them by pieces. With different (not many) people. And only after I've had several and I look back at them, I can say I've gained experience.

But anyway...he's unbelivable. We do sound like boyfriend and girlfriend most of times. He's incredibly sweet when he talks to, sometimes.

And I can only describe this relationship as funny. Despite I've gotten hurt several times, it's all hilarious.

- The Guy: Hey, can I call you tomorrow?...are you gonna be home?
Me: Yeah, I guess so...
-The Guy: Can I come over?

Sweet, sweet kid. I know his intentions, but I can't help feeling...I don't know how to describe it. I do love him.

I told him that I couldn't let him come over, because that'd be like offering him something I can't give to him. He said it didn't matter.

-Me: I'll let you know when you can come over, ok?
-The Guy: Yeah, ok.

(By the way, I decided I'm giving him the teddy bear for his birthday).

The Guy: Should I bring along a condom?

I cracked up. I just bursted laughing. It's the funniest question I've ever been asked.

-Me: No, kid. You're not getting anything.

Fuck yourself, kid. But thanks for the laugh. I truly love you!

I'm thinking that probably when I have my first orgasm, I'll crack up in the middle of it.

Ok, let's try to clear up things: I do love him. He doesn't love me back...not in an emotional way. Boys go for the sex, girls go for the emotions, Geovanni says (it's because of the culture). But in some way, he's attracted to me (you just make me feel this awesome way...). It's the hormones, I know.

For some people, love it's just a game. But eventually they get caught up in their own game and end up falling in love.

Yeah, first it was a game for me. I didn't think, I didn't analyze when I was with him. All I knew is that something new was happening to me, and as long as I kept his penis, fingers and tongue off my vagina, it'd be ok. Then I came to realize I'd fallen in love with him. But still, I keep his things off mine.

I can't write anymore. What would my parents say if they saw me cracking up in front of the computer all by myself?

- The Guy:....what's that sound, baby? did you unzip something, girl?


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