Wednesday, 05/11/05 - 9:43 pm.
Sometimes I think Joe likes me. Last night, he said a few things. Two things in particular....no, three. And I was left wondering, more than the usual. And I spent today hoping to see him, thinking "well, if he likes me as much as he seems to, he'll come look for me". He didn't. And he was a little distant tonight, we only talked for three minutes. He had to go study.
My bubble just bursted. As in "what the fuck were you thinking?". Suddenly, I feel empty and without direction. You know, I look forward to our conversations every night. In freudian terms, right now, my libido has no target.
This afternoon, in the campus, I ignored Joseph. He ignored me. And for some reason, I was relieved. I saw him coming from far away, and I just acted like I was focused on my reading. I think he saw me, but didn't come to say hello. He just walked away, slowly. I saw him leaving campus hours later. I think my system hasn't gotten used to him passing me by.
Right now, I have no energy to feel anything regarding him. I'm tired of him affecting me. I'm not able to let go, but for now I can pretend nothing's happening, and blame the thorn on a slight chemical imbalance. Yeah, I can do that.
In my brother's class, we had expositions about experiments we'll apply. I talked about mine, and it was all right. The end.
It's raining, and I guess I'd better go study for tomorrow's Industrial Psychology discussion. Anyway, there's no Joe keeping me up tonight, and I have to get up early to go swimming.
When I clicked on "add an entry", I was planning on writing an upbeat entry, but...you know, so it goes.
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