[insert a few reasons why I love to be isolated from people here].
Wednesday, 8/21/02 - 8:46 pm.

There is this guy in 7th grade that likes me. There is this classmate of his, Moses, who rides on my school bus, and he was the one who pointed that out.

Stop it right there and it's all is cool. I really don't care for a child that has a crush on me. But then Moses started to...do shit. I walk by and he makes all the people he's with stare at me, and then he starts saying my name. And lately, other girls have been calling me for no reason. Today I was walking by and he was with a girl and started saying: there goes that girl named [insert yours truly's real name here] again....

And I thought Fuck, enough already.

I told Vic. I said to him half-joking if he could please beat him up. He got mad. What the fuck? Someone's messing with you?...I'm calling for a pumice meeeting.

The Pumice Stones is the gang. You know, Art, Vic, Patch, Pablo, QB, Fausto, et al. Around 12 guys or so. And if you want to include gals, there's Cel and Vic's girlfriend. I was relieved when I heard the magical words: pumice meeting.

The boys and the dukes are ready to rumble
word on the street some heads are gonna tumble...

So I told Vic how things were...it's not about the guy who likes me, God bless his soul. His peers torture him and make fun of him when I walk by. It's about who started it all, Moses.

When classes finished, he was around. I told Art about him. Hey, Pablo...com'ere, he said...so I told Pablo. Shyeah, finally some action, he said. Then Art told Vic...yeah, I know about it.

Then Vic asked me to show him the guy. He grabbed my hand and went OH, THAT GUY WITH GLASSES...MOSES, RIGHT?!, he yelled, obviously to make himself be heard. Pablo and Art were nearby, too. And so...everything's set up.

OH, VERY FUNNY!, Moses yelled at me when I walked away from the boys.

You haven't seen anything funny yet, kid.

We'll beat him up, it's Vic's promise. Actually is not that they beat people up. They apply psychological pressure on their victims (in this case, Moses). See, the Pumice Stones do that kind of shit for the community, if you want to see it that way. Like the day when they all saved a little kid that was being harrased by older kids (I'm too lazy to find that entry). They smoke, they drink all you want...but you're never going to find boys with bigger hearts.

Aside from that, other things have happened, that just remind me why I loved to be isolated from people so much.

Denv gave me his wallet today, just so I could take care of it. Early in the morning, he approached to where Norman and I were...and he turned his back to me.
- Me: Woah, you're turning your back to me...
- Denv: Yes, I'm mad at you.
- Me: Why?
- Denv: Because you've been bad.

Then he completely ignored me.

I didn't get it, what had I done? I couldn't ask him until a couple of hours later, on the first recess. He came to me from behind and put his arms around me. I thought he was not mad at me anymore.

- Me: So...why were you mad at me?
- Him: No, I actually wasn't mad at you at all.

He's very incoherent sometimes.

I got to be with him on the last minutes of the second recess. We were walking down the hallway together and suddenly I realized Veronica, Claudia and Roberto were near. At first it wasn't a big deal, we both stayed together and talked and he poked my eye by accident and shit...but then...they arrived. Roberto held me and kissed my ear, Veronica started talking to me and Claudia made Denv hug her and distracted him. Roberto said: When [insert Denv's real name here] turns around, start laughing, as if I just told you something funny. How obvious. Claudia making Denv hug her, Roberto hugging me...I got very pissed off. What's their fucking problem? It seems as if they want to make him and me jealous so we can hook up sooner. And on the other hand, it could be taken as they don't want us together. I go for the first choice...I don't know if Claudia does.

On the last recess, I sat on the floor. Norman and Claudia were around. Denv came by, and as soon as he was approaching, Norman rested his head on my knee. Oh, God, knock it off. But then Denv took his place. What was truly pathetic is that Claudia was rubbing her shoe against Denv's crotch (since Denv was laying down on the floor). What.the.fuck.is.up.with.her.? Is she trying to make Norman jealous? is she trying to make me jealous? Does she want Denv now that someone else -practically- owns him? She's fucking psycho, the girl is fucking nuts. We're barely friends, she has no right to intrude in my life. Neither Veronica does. No one does.

It's happening exactly what I was trying to avoid...to have people sticking their noses in my bussiness. What Denv feels for me and what I feel for him is just our own bussiness. If he doesn't want to ask me out, fine. If he does, fine. But I don't want their help. I don't want them to "help", they'd help much more if they stayed away from us both and our decisions.

Part of me has been wishing to go back to the early days of this year, when I'd just sit at the end of the hallway, when I still had no "friends" and therefore no worries. Part of me still wishes things were like last year, when I practically had no friends. Things were not easier, not less complicated, but it was just about me. I had to deal with my internal shit only. Now I also have to deal with external factors...such as people.

Cel and Art noticed that I was carrying Denv's wallet and they started to pick on me...kind of. I mean, in a nice friendly way...Oh, [insert yours truly's real name here] whose wallet is that?...do we know?...no, I think no one does, except you and its owner. I really didn't care about those comments. It's different than the situation of Veronica, et al. Although if they had told me those things a bit later, I'd have cried, because I'm actually starting to feel sick of people and I'm starting to feel like a vulnerable person you can easily pick on.

There was a time when I could be alone. I'd walk alone around school. No one would greet me. Everybody would ignore me. I was careless and free. I kind of miss that now. I've always been a loner by nature. I've always hated people. I don't hate people that much now, because I now have good friends...but I still think being social is not exactly my nature. I had to adapt to that.

Vic says I'm very special. He says I'm so special that I can not be from this world, that I'm an extraterrestrial.

I'm sick of people. Of specific people. I wish I had the balls to stone them.

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