Wednesday, 05/13/09 - 8:05 pm.
I see Joseph changed his status to married on FB, and his profile picture is now one of him and his wife (instead of one with his cat, which I took). First, I feel dumb for caring so much about this social network. Second, ugh. It doesn't hurt very much, but it's kind of icky. I saw some of his pictures from his birthday, and while my feelings keep the same labels, they're not very strong anymore.
I went out with CR on sunday afternoon, to have ice cream, typical food and drive to the town nearby. It was an unplanned trip and I think I ate too much, but it was fun! Anyway, I like to hear him talk about Joseph and his marriage. It's like he takes divorce for a fact, something that it's just a matter of time. The evil part in me enjoys hearing this. The good part, too. I know this is something you shouldn't wish for, and it involves a lot of pain...but my own pain makes me smirk when I hear CR on the topic.
We talked about Joseph for a while, because we were at the ice cream parlor outside my university; the place where I once saw him walk by and I thought to myself, "that's the guy I'm going to marry". I honestly believed that, and for a while it seemed my prediction would become a reality. Anyway, CR was telling me that he could see something of Joseph in me; that there was something about us that made us alike. And you know? That makes me happy. I looked up to him on some things. I don't believe CR entirely, because actually Joseph and I couldn't be any more different. But it'd be nice to have something from him be a part of me.
If the past is any indication, his nickname on MSN is headline news, and so he got a job. I'm sorry, I don't feel happy for him. I don't like being bitter about him, he was an awesome boyfriend altogether. But I'm still pissed off, at him and at the fact that there can't be anything to get justice for getting over me so quickly and not caring about my feelings after I learned the truth.
This sunday it would've been our 5th anniversary. But even though when I look at his pictures I feel I wasn't good enough for him, I'm glad I'm not there. I just don't feel like being there. So yes, things happen for a reason; beyond that obvious statement, and at least in this particular case, things happened for a GOOD reason. I'm still hurting over that; CR says my emotions are still severely injured. But there's a price to pay, I guess, and I'm paying for it.
I also told CR about Art and his joke of dating another girl. He was very sympathetic, although he insisted the girl should always be chased because otherwise the guy doesn't fully appreciate her. You were planning on traveling to LA to see him! No, no! He has to come to you!. While I like the idea, because it sounds oh, so romatic, I'm not a damsel, and I'm not very fond of the idea of just sitting around with my mouth shut, waiting to be chased. I'm not that much of a guy magnet to afford that, and anyway, I'm slightly more proactive than that. It'd be nice to discuss this notion with Art. I mean, he's a guy.
I was smiling this afternoon at work because I came online for a while and I found an offline message from him in which he called me "pumpkin". OMG, he's giving me pet names again!. It made me hopeful, but I'm keeping my cool. It's so, so great that we keep talking and that's as good as it's gonna get. As for the girl he's joking with, I'm in peace. There's another guy from school that has been in love with her since middle school, and she likes to play around...now that's major flirting. So maybe the cognitive-behaviorist in me has learned a thing or two from the psychotic episode I had these days.
In the late afternoon, I enjoyed the little things in life: having stuff to do at work, walking back home, having dinner with my parents. It has come to my attention that I waste a lot of time at night, though. But I won't finish this entry promising anything in this regard.
prev / next