Thursday, 08.12.2010 - 1:23 pm.
I went out with John two evenings ago. I was planning on staying home that day but he called and caught me off-guard. I babbled "sure" because my mind went blank regarding excuses. And yeah, I felt kind of bad that we'd been putting it off for so long.
I wasn't very sure about him, remember? I didn't have a good feeling about his sudden appearence in my life, but I ended up accepting his offer of giving me a ride.
Over the phone I told him to go to Burger King but clearly he didn't know how to express his refusal to that. I still felt he was a bit pushy, and beyond that, I felt a bit lazy when I realized he was not agreeing with the places but also not giving alternatives. Anyway, he picked me up and we went to a small restaurant in my neighborhood; pretty place, but the food is expensive. I've spent money every day of this fucking month so I just ordered a capuccinno. He ordered three beers. I understood then: he's like CR and Lighthouse: they prefer places with beer.
It was odd meeting up with him. I hadn't seen him in 12 years and it's not like we were close in middle school. He was a bully, for all I remember. But the conversation was ok, it was all about catching up and him giving me the line I'm so sick of hearing: "oh, I've always liked psychology/I wanted to study psychology". And then he went on about his "issues" but that didn't take him long and we proceeded to talk about jobs, careers, relationships, etc. He sympathized with my situation with Joseph, which I appreciated.
Last night he texted me, "what's up?". I didn't reply. Why, you may ask? Because I was asleep, it was nearly midnight. And I'm out of balance on my phone. And if you take those two reasons out, I also wouldn't have replied.
I don't want to give myself too much credit, that just because he's looking for me he's interested in me. But just in case, I'm not going to follow through. When we went out, I felt a little something for a while, but it was me loving the idea of being in a relatioship again, and not loving the person per se.
The person is ok, but I feel no attraction. He's a bit judgemental of people sometimes (like criticizing people our age for wanting to make a living abroad; I say I didn't see myself doing that but dude, chill...other people do, and for a reason) and I couldn't start an idea without being interrupted by the third sentence. He's a nice person, perhaps nicer than I remembered. But that's about it.
There's another guy that I think is interested in me, but his routine and mine don't match and...yeah, I'm not interested. And when that happens, receiving Direct Messages on Twitter asking how my week went kind of annoys me.
Today I had a very incoherent flashback: "my wedding, bitches". Joseph's wedding album on FB, the one I saw by accident while browsing pictures of friends (I thought this Hide thing hid everything). Not even the pictures, just the name of the album. And, you guessed, I felt terrible. Like a knife had just slit my heart a little. It happens often, a thought about him invades my mind out of nowhere. I felt like crying but then I tried to distract myself with other things.
The good news is that tomorrow I'm seeing my friend Monica and I'll be seeing her best friend/crush/ future boyfriend Orlando's band at a bar I've gone to twice but liked a lot. Man, what a long sentence. But see, I'm excited.
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