Small, dead animals and tomorrow's trip.
Wednesday, 04/07/04 - 2:00 pm.

I am wondering if fish are capable of feeling, say, grief. Since my nephew's fish, Mushu (what an odd name), died two days ago, my own fish, Freud, has been very passive. Maybe he's noticed the void where Mushu's tank used to be. I mean, he's very good at noticing, I've noticed.

Now he just lays at the bottom, and only swims to get to the surface and make a bubble. This morning I thought he was dead. I'd be very sorry if Freud died. He's the best, most intellectual fish I've ever had.

Speaking of small animals, there's a fountain in my yard. No, it's more like a little waterfall, actually. Anyway, this morning my mom found a dead lizard in the water. My brother said it was a crime, assasination, because lizards just don't fall on ponds by accident, do they? I've seen hundreds of lizards crawling on walls. Another lizard must've pushed him. I bet it was one of those red-head, black-body lizard. Or the ones that are transparent. I hate those. You don't need to squash them because you can already see its guts through its skin.

Well, this dead lizard reminds me of good ol' Prozac. Prozac was another dead lizard I adopted. But Prozac was killed by Frog. I remember very well, I took him to school in a safety matches box. Around the time the D drama started. Yeah, good times.

I don't know if I'll name this one. You see, after a week the corpses start becoming dust and I eventually have to throw them away. I've kept many dead butterflies, and of course Prozac, and they start to literally vanish.

Oh, what the hell. I'll keep him. I'll name him Hare Krishna. Just because I'm listening to the album Brainwashed right now.

Universe at play inside your DNA, I love that line.

Well, it's kind of a good thing that all of my dead butterflies and lizards rot, because it would be a little bizarre for me to own a museum of dead butterflies and lizards...and one fish, had I not buried Mushu. But I do have more trouble handing dead fish. I couldn't even touch Mushu to get him out of the tank.

I suppose maybe I get more sensitive as the dead animal is more biologically complex. I wouldn't grieve for Frog the same way I'd grieve for Freud. But I'm not sure if I dared to touch either of them once they're dead (for which I pray is something that will not happen in a near future). And let's not even start talking about human beings.

Alright, well...on a lighter tangent, I'm going to the beach tomorrow, and I'm a little excited about it. I don't know if I'll update tomorrow, but who's counting? I'm expecting my period tomorrow, too, what a surprise. Swimming pools have lost their charm as I've grown up, anyway (or maybe I just became more aware of my body *cough*).

I hope everything will be nice. I bought snacks, I'll take Brainwashed (I was planning on taking Aerosmith's Honkin' On Bobo, but we all know that such album is not even scheduled yet to be released I am on a strike of all things Aerosmith until my cry is heard)...the book The Stranger, Hare Krishna (his first trip in the afterlife!) and the book the brain in action because I am THAT academically concerned.

Farewell, or something.

Listening to: P2 Vatican Blues, George Harrison (of course).

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