Tuesday, 05/11/04 - 11:07 pm.
With this guy, Joseph, there's plenty of time to talk. He invited me to drink "tea" (yes, tea) at the coffee shop on the corner accross the street. And I said "yeah, sure", I still had one hour until class. He ordered iced tea, typical of him, and I ordered a cold capuccino, typical of me. He calls my drink "winged chinese", which is typical of him as well.
It was just the two of us this time, and he told me some of the stories of his life. Mostly about his heartbreaks. He was with a girl who turned out to be a lesbian (she literally used him), then he was with a girl who went abroad (and he threatened to kill himself with a knife -he took it out of his pocket and all- if she didn't leave, because he didn't want to be an obstacle and wanted the best for her).
The one that caught my attention mostly was the one about the girl he was going to propose to. The girl had said to him, if I get pregnant, I am going to have the baby...my baby with you, and so he decided he wanted to marry her. He was going to propose on a friday, but on wednesday she broke up with him, and on thursday he discovered she was dating someone else. I was afraid he'd break down and cry right there.
And then other stories, how he got beat up by three stoned men who were going to kill them (they were waiting for him to take out his knife, but he never did, because he didn't want to fight), how he joined the military for a while, how he'd do anything his parents asked him to do...he's had quite a life.
Then he asked me what about me, what about my love life, specially. By then I realized I'd never told anyone the story of The Guy and D., altogether. So I couldn't really put into words my feelings. And I was a little scared to break down, in spite of my own self. So I only said I'd been a hobby for the two guys I fell in love with. He said he loved how I could say a lot with a few words. I love that he doesn't take my silence and few words as "uncomfortable" or "rude" (because, really, I'm just not much of a talker...although I kind of wished I'd told him more, I knew I could trust him).
We talked for an hour. Cel arrived to the coffee shop but just to say hi. He walked me back to the classroom, and I promised to give him the drawing of the raven he'd ask me for yesterday, after class.
And after class indeed, I went to look for him at the cafeteria. I am not going into the cafeteria this semester (just some dumb goal of mine) but there's no need for me to do that, anyway, because he always sees me as I'm approaching.
Ok, this was 5:30, and it was very windy, and rain was coming. It was a wonderful moment, because we both were there looking up at the gray clouds forming above our heads. In a way, it was very biblical...like when a cloud brings a spirit that says something unto you or something. Like Moses would come off a could carrying the ten commandments.
Yes, of course, that didn't happen. But we were looking up, talking about how perfect the sky was. I gave him the drawing (he liked it, I think), he told me to skip class and I said I couldn't...I skipped class yesterday (class was called off, but still, it's not like I knew that before I decided "yeah, I can skip this one") and I almost skip class today. He said that one day he'd kidnap me. Your presence is sacred to me, he said. He reminded of Vic. I think he'll be my university Vic (Vic, my senior high friend, who said that wanted me for christmas, so I'd always be in his room at midnight to speak to him while he smoked).
He also said I looked pretty today. I don't remember hearing that in a long time. I mean, coming from a male. I heard that from a female, Angie, a couple of weeks ago (it's hard to believe I didn't know him "a couple of weeks ago"...He even pointed out that a week ago today we met).
He's changed my life, you know? I can't hardly wait for seeing him the next day, hours are ridiculously long without him, and yet the time I spend with him seems to last forever and too little.
There's something that always seems to come up in our conversations and that's how we'd always see each other around the campus without making any eye contact. I even stood next to you! But you never even looked at me!, he said. That was the day after I'd met him, I remember. I still thought he was Cel's boyfriend, and I also thought it was just a coincidence that he was standing next to me, that he didn't even remember me. I told him I did look up whenever he walked by (I did), but he never was looking at me, so I'd quickly turn away. I just thought he wouldn't remember me, or just wouldn't care.
I was in the cafeteria, just watching people. I like watching people. And I saw you, sitting at a table. Everybody in the cafeteria was with someone, but you were alone, your hair covering your face. You were holding a book, but I knew you weren't reading...I thought of approaching and saying hi, but I figured you'd push me away, "go away, punk", or something. And besides, I can't really speak to a person until I've been formally introduced.
He says he likes my eyes. I like his, a lot. I love all about him. He's like a Shakespearian (sp?) character that was just never written.