Tuesday, 03/25/03 - 12:47 pm.
Last night I wanted so bad to write about Melvin here, it was ridiculous.
Because....I realized that I am in love with him. Always have, haven't I? But in a platonic way. And yesterday I couldn't get him out of my head.
I don't know why. We were never "best friends", or anything like that. But I feel there was somewhat a bond. We'd spend time studying, he'd tell me about his girlfriends and about his dreams of becoming a doctor.
He was always very kind to me. Giving me stickers and other details, making an acronym of my own name...he never hurt me in any way. I was with him in the most unusual places (alone in a car, alone in my house)...what can I say, yesterday I realized he's been really, really special to me.
I'd be in love with him off and on. At times I'd think he liked me, because of the things he'd say about me (like in the acronym), because he once almost kissed me (I never found out if it was a mistake or he was really trying to do it), because Rene once told me he said he liked me (then again, it could be just Rene's misunderstanding and/or jealousy) and because he once sent me an e-mail saying he was in love with me (but when I asked him about it, he said he didn't know about it, and that it was his cousin who broke into his account).
Either way...I am in love with him, but not in a painful way. I know I'll probably see him two or three days in my life from now on, I know we were never meant to be (he hangs out with the wrong crowd.)...but I don't feel bad about it at all. I just think of a good moment (I've had no bad moments with him, anyway) with him and I smile.
Which is probably why I haven't felt anything for D since yesterday. I feel I love Melvin more. This morning I woke up to find out I had no feelings for D. I was doing some intronspection in bed, asking myself: are you sure?...are you sure you don't feel anything about him? ARE YOU SURE?. I am. I have no romantic feelings for him, at least not right now.
Cel: he was in class today and sat next to Veronica, and started to talk with her. The professor called him down and told him to sit somewhere else. He was embarrased, and I felt a little bad for him.
It's not the first time the professor calls him down. I remember wishing, when Cel told me about it, that it happened to him again. It did.
- Cel: remember you wished it happened to him again.
- Me: and remember you then told me "be careful what you wish for".
So then I wished he wouldn't be called down ever again. But hey, it's not like I feel guilty. I mean, I am not the one who makes him talk in class, leave me alone. I just feel sorry for him.
- Cel: good, now you have one wish left.
I don't know what to wish for now (yeah, like the three wishes thing was true).
I was in my first car crash today. I was driving (driving lessons), minding my own bussiness, when I had to stop...because there was a STOP SIGN, you know?. The car behind was coming too fast and couldn't stop on time, so he hit the back of my car. I wondered if I could sue the mister, claiming my neck is damaged. It wasn't a big deal, though, and my instructor and the driver arranged things quickly. It wasn't my fault, anyway.
Alan (he's in New York right now, but I just talked to him on the phone) mentioned the thing about my neck, he asked if it was hurting. It wasn't, until he brought it up. So, in words of George Harrison: it's all in the mind.
Getting back to the car subject, when I was getting out the car in the parking lot, the car next to mine had the radio on and The Beatles' In My Life, was on. Coincidence, isn't it?